This article was provided by Paula Oleska, who has helped over eight thousand people in five different countries, both individually and in groups, achieve never-imagined personal and business improvement. She is a neuro-behaviorist with a deep background in the mind-body connection. As a result of her unique background and her studies of the brain-mind-body connection, she created her proprietary system: Radical Rapid Results through Brain Upgrade®, and she is now providing these services to the business community.
I recently read an article about anger.
One of the suggestions in the article was to substitute our quick reactions, supposedly conditioned by the Western culture, with reactions from other cultures.
One culture quoted in the article supposedly “values harmony and discourages anger.” Another culture considers “all aspects of anger unquestionably bad,” so you shouldn’t feel it at all.
These statements remind me of the research I did for my book, The Wisdom of Anger, which I published way back in 2008. Back then, that’s what all of the experts were writing as well. Anger is bad and you should not feel it!
But you know what? That’s impossible.
You have biological equipment, called the amygdala. It automatically generates responses of fight or flight. In other words, anger or fear. And it does that without your conscious permission!
Why?
To protect you from danger. That’s why you cannot avoid FEELING anger.
What you can do is this:
- Learn to understand all of your emotions and why they are there
- Learn to work with your anger so it doesn’t derail your life
- Eliminate the triggers that cause anger.
The problem is that most advice you get about doing that misses the point.
Another author on anger recommends “taking control of our inner lives” and eliminating such “nasty impulses” as vengefulness. I say, good luck with that!
That emotion came up in one of my client’s sessions. She said: “Me? I don’t feel vengeful!” But a few weeks later, she said: “Wow, I noticed that I actually feel vengeful. I want to get back at people who had hurt me”.
It’s quite normal to have that feeling!
But of course, my client didn’t just stop there. She worked with that feeling until she healed that hurt and then the vengeful feeling just disappeared. Have you noticed that we have been told for thousands of years to eliminate those ”negative impulses”? And yet those impulses are still here!
Why is that? Most experts blame it on “human nature”.
Wrong!
The experts don’t know what they’re talking about.
- Your feelings simply do not respond to words.
You can’t change your feelings by simply telling yourself to not feel them. And yet we keep hearing these admonitions all the time. You have heard them since you were a child (“don’t get angry!”; “don’t get scared”, “it’s not nice to feel this way”, etc.).
It’s time to change that!
- The only reason you have anger, together with all of its shades like rage, vengefulness, resentments, etc, is because they signal to you that your needs are not being met.
That’s all. That’s how my client was able to eliminate her vengeful feeling in just 15 minutes: she identified the need behind it, addressed it – and never felt that feeling in that situation again.
You can do it too. Start today.
And if you would like to take further action to deepen your process, I designed a program specifically for that: The Rapid Resolution System™. I’ll be happy to tell you more about it. You can use this link to schedule your free consultation.
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